In the morning...

This morning I woke up and took my BBT. My temp. dropped which is an indication of my impending period. Crap!!! I was holding onto one last hope of getting pregnant on my own. Many emotions this morning. The tears started flowing first thing. Feeling sorry for myself, feeling like I can't do anything right, why me? Basically a pity party! Then, I felt like I could destroy my whole house. I wanted to punch something, throw anything I could get my hands on across the room. Now I just need to get a grip! If I really want another child and I don't want to continue to wait with the possibility of m/c than I know what needs to be done. Now, I just wait for my period to arrive and then call the IVF center to start scheduling my tests and procedures. Everything is done around certain days of your cycle. My next concern is Miranda. How will she feel being left at someone's house while mommy and daddy are gone all the time for these tests and procedures? I am so high one moment and then so low the next. I can't even imagine what I'm going to be feeling once I get the hormone injections. I have to remain positive for my sanity. Or I will go crazy! One day at a time, Michele. Deal with what life has given you. Positive thoughts......POSITIVE!!!!!

First Round of Testing

Today I started my first round of testing for IVF w/PGD. My head is still spinning from all the information that I need to absorb. Do I really want to put my body through all of this? How bad do we really want to add to our family? Should Miranda be an only child? Testing....probbing....prodding. What will the outcomes be? The costs are astronomical and what are the guarantees?

So today, the bloodwork began. David had to work so I had to go at it by myself. Miranda was with me. But a 2 1/2 year old really doesn't understand how mommy FEARS needles. The wait was long, almost an hour. And Miranda was such an angel during the wait. We finally get to the back and I have to answer a few questions. Miranda is playing with her Sesame Street magnet board. I sit down. David said it would only be about 4 tubes of blood they would take for today's tests. I'm mentally preparing myself. I watch the lady start picking out different colored tubes. 1......2.....3......4......5......6, wait we passed 4. I look away and don't know if she took anymore. What's up with that, David, you told me 4? Okay now she wraps the tourniquet around my arm and plays with my veins. You have one try! Plays.....taps.....taps.....plays. Okay now comes the alcohal wipe. We know what's coming next. It's going to pinch. I ask my Miranda to hold my hand. She does! How sweet. She is watching this lady like a hawk now. PINCH....I guess I squeezed Miranda's hand a little too hard. She said OUCH! And she never took her eyes off the lady. Finally after all the tubes, the needle comes out and the cotton ball covers the hole in my arm. Miranda says to me, "mommy has a boo-boo!?" Yes, mommy has a boo-boo. It wasn't as bad as I anticipated. One round of testing down, many more to come! Will it all be worth it.......